I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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