idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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