...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
