I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
