This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
