i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize