just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
