You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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