I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
