Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
