Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Found the puke drawer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
