I just saw a hot homeless man
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
