You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
