is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
