its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
