Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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