i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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