Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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