neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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