Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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