Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
