remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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