I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
