sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
