Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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