Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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