I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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