i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
