goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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