We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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