Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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