can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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