Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
