I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize