How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone came in the potted fern
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
