im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize