So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
