He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
