my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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