Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
