just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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