Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
