We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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