After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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