Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
