come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
