Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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