just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize