Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
