i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
