wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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