why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
