Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize