she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
