I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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