Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
