btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
