I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
