Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize