Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
