Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
