oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
