i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
