you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
porn star boner night. come get it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize