We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
